I'll Always Look After You
by x snow-pony x
Summary: Mike and Tracy one-shot. Tracy's struggling to cope, but she won't let Mike help her. Will he be able to find out what's wrong? Read to find out!


**A/N Just been watching TBR clips and watched my favourite scene of 'Chain Reaction' (the cute moment where Mike talks to Tracy after the panic attack), and I thought I'd write my own cute Mike and Tracy scene. I will use a few ideas from 'Chain Reaction', but most of it will be my own work. Hope you enjoy it. :-)**

**Tracy POV**

I'd been struggling for weeks. I wasn't sleeping properly, and I was exhausted. From the looks people were giving me, I think people could tell I was tired from just looking at me. Mike kept asking me if I was OK, and I kept saying I was fine.

But it couldn't have been further from the truth.

Every day this week I'd been struggling for breath at one point or another, thankfully always at home. I was scared: I didn't like being on my own in the flat, with Cam being away so long.

She'd gone to New York for a month, to work on a magazine. Before she'd gone, I'd been really excited: I'd finally get to have the flat to myself. However, once she left, I'd felt a horrible loneliness come over me, as I realised I wouldn't see Cam for a month, and I'd be by myself.

For a week or so I'd managed, but then I started to break down. Every time Cam video-called me on my laptop I had to pretend that I was happy, that I was enjoying myself, even though inside I felt like crying.

I'd also started having nightmares. I kept dreaming about when Cam left me, and then water began to fill the room. I'd always wake up, gasping for breath, feeling as if I was drowning.

She'd then told me they wanted her to stay for another six months, and I told her to take the job, and said I was fine with it, as I'd wanted to make her happy.

In reality I hated it, but I couldn't tell anyone, because I couldn't worry them.

And if I told them how I felt, they might not want to help me, because it was too much trouble.

The kids came first, and that was all that mattered.

* * *

**Mike POV**

I had been watching Tracy for the past few weeks, and I could tell something was wrong. She looked exhausted, and was no where near as bubbly as she had been in the past. I kept asking her what was wrong, wanting to help her, but she wouldn't let me in. It made me feel bad, as how was I meant to look after her if I didn't know what was wrong and what I should do? I wished I could help her, and hoped she'd let me in soon.

* * *

**The Next Week**

* * *

**Tracy POV**

"Hi, Mike," I said cheerily as I walked into the office.

Mike looked up at me, the concern clear on his face. "You OK?"

I looked away and hung my coat up, pretending I hadn't seen his look. "Yeah, I'm fine." I then changed the subject. "Is there anything in particular you want me to do?"

Mike sighed, and then pretended he hadn't. "No, not really, just check on anyone and do anything that needs doing."

I nodded. "OK," I said, before leaving the office.

* * *

As I went round the house, most people were giving me concerned looks, and one or two asked if I was OK. I said I was fine, and then asked them if the wanted to do anything. Tee wanted some help with some sewing, Carmen wanted to play a game, and everyone else was just doing their own thing (Liam, Frank and Johnny playing pool, Gus and Toby playing chess, Sapphire and Elektra in their rooms, and Harry playing with Jeff). When I had helped Tee and played with Carmen I went back to the office.

"Everyone's OK," I said, sitting down on a chair. "I'll just stay in here for a bit, sort out some things."

"Tracy," said Mike.

I looked up.

"Are you sure you're alright?" I mean, you're really tired, and..."

I interrupted. "How many times do I have to tell you, I'm fine!"

Mike looked at me, hurt, and I was sure I could see tears in his eyes. I sat there, not knowing what to say.

"I just want to make sure you're alright," he said. "I hate to see you, or any of the kids here, hurting."

I put on a false smile that I was almost certain Mike could see straight through. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to shout. But I'm not upset, I promise."

However, under the desk, my fingers were crossed.

* * *

That evening, I went home, opened my laptop and went to call Cam, as I did every night.

Suddenly, I was unable to breathe. I put my hand on my chest, closed my eyes, and tried to concentrate on taking deep breaths.

This was starting to work, until Cam called. I froze, panicked, and didn't know what to do. I was gulping in air, struggling to get oxygen in. I couldn't let Cam see this.

The message from Cam kept flashing on the screen, and I turned away from it, not wanting to answer just yet.

When I finally got my breathing under control, I pressed accept, and Cam came onto the screen.

"Hey Tracy!" she said, a big smile on her face. "How are you?"

I put a massive fake smile on my face, even though I could feel tears coming to my eyes. "I'm good. How about you?"

Cam smiled, a genuine smile. "I'm great! The magazine's going really well, and the editor loved my article!"

I smiled again. "That's great!"

"What about you?" asked Cam.

"Nothing much," I said. "I just had work and stuff."

Cam then noticed the tiredness in my eyes. "Tracy, have you been sleeping alright?"

I quickly thought of a lie. "Yeah, I just stayed up a bit late last night, that's all. I'll go to bed early tonight."

Cam smiled, obviously having bought my lie. "OK, I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Bye," I said, and then Cam ended the call.

I then just sat there with my head resting on my hands, tears rolling down my cheeks.

* * *

I woke with a start, gasping for air: I'd had the same nightmare again.

I turned on my bedside light and then slowly lay down again, my breathing returning to normal.

"Cam?" I called, even though I knew the house was empty. "Mike?"

I picked up my phone, ready to call him, and then stopped.

I couldn't call him, it'd worry him.

And now when he was working at Elm Tree House he might not have time to talk, as he needed to look after the kids.

And besides, it was the middle of the night.

That wouldn't be fair.

* * *

The next morning I entered the Dumping Ground even more tired than I had been yesterday. Mike stopped me as I walked into the office.

"Tracy, you're exhausted!" he said. "You can't work like that!"

"I can," I retorted.

As to disprove my point, I walked straight into the filing cabinet.

Mike gently turned me round. "Tracy, go home."

I froze: home was the only place I didn't want to go right now. "No, I'm fine, just leave me alone."

And before Mike could say anything else I walked out of the room.

* * *

**Mike POV**

A couple of hours later I realised I hadn't seen Tracy for a while. I went and asked the kids, looked around the house, but I didn't know where she was.

I had almost given up my search when I realised I hadn't checked the quiet room. I carefully opened the door, and my heart ached when I saw what was in there.

Tracy was curled up in a ball, fast asleep on the sofa, her chest slowly rising and falling as she breathed.

I smiled: finally she was getting some well deserved rest (as I worked out she probably hadn't been sleeping very well judging on how tired she was). I bent down next to her, stroked her hair and kissed her forehead, being careful not to wake her up.

I then left the room to give her some peace.

* * *

**Tracy POV**

When I woke up I was gasping for air again. I quickly looked around, checking no one was in the room, before I got my breathing back to normal. I then lay back down on the sofa and sighed.

So much for a nice sleep.

I lay there for a few more moments before I decided to get up. Just as I was going to open the door it opened from the other side, revealing Mike.

He smiled at me. "You OK now?"

I nodded, even though it was a lie. "Yeah, I'm not as tired now." I then looked to the floor. "Sorry, I shouldn't have gone to sleep."

Mike ruffled my hair. "Don't worry; you look as if you needed it." He then changed the subject. "Lunch is ready if you want it."

I nodded. "OK, thanks for letting me know." I then followed Mike down to the kitchen.

* * *

The rest of the day went quite smoothly, and far too soon it was time to go home.

"I'm going now, Mike," I said. "I'll see you in the morning."

Mike smiled. "See you tomorrow, Tracy."

And with that I left the Dumping Ground.

* * *

That evening, as I always did, I went to call Cam. I opened the programme, and typed 'Hey. You OK?' into the message bar so that Cam would know I wanted to talk.

A few minutes passed and there was no answer. I tried again, this time typing in 'Cam? Are you there?'

A good ten minutes passed and Cam still hadn't answered.

I sighed, a tear making its way down my cheek. Cam wasn't there, so I wouldn't get to talk to her tonight.

Suddenly I had an idea. Yes, it would make me more suspicious, but at least I'd be happier.

I grabbed a few things, stuffed them in my bag, put on my coat and then left the house.

* * *

"Mike?" I called quietly as I opened the door (as most of the kids were in bed). "Mike?"

Mike came to the door, looking puzzled as he saw me. "Tracy? What are you doing here?"

I swallowed: time for my lie. "I, um, was wondering if, well, if I could do some overtime tonight?"

Mike shook his head. "Sorry Tracy, we don't need any more staff tonight," he said. "Besides, I don't think we have enough money and..."

"I can work for free," I said quickly. Anything to make Mike let me stay.

Mike sighed. "Come with me." He led me to the quiet room and gestured for me to take a seat opposite him.

"Tracy, I know there's something wrong," he began. "I don't know what it is, but I can see from how you are that there's something that's upsetting you very much. So, because of that, I'm going to let you stay here tonight."

I breathed a sigh of relief.

Mike looked at me closely. "But Tracy, when you're ready to, please tell me what's going on." His face softened. "I only want to help."

I nodded. I'd tell Mike when I was ready.

But I wasn't sure I ever would be.

* * *

The next morning I came down for breakfast, less tired than usual, but still exhausted all the same.

"Hi, Tracy." Tee, who was up early, greeted me as I came to sit at the table.

"Hi, Tee," I said cheerily, pretending to be happy.

"Do you want some breakfast, Tracy?" asked Mike.

"I'll get some in a minute," I said. In truth, I was feeling sick and dizzy, not ready for breakfast at all, but I was going to pretend I was fine.

"No, it's alright, I'll get it," said Mike. "What do you want?"

I thought for a moment. "Just a piece of toast, please, with butter."

Mike looked concerned. "You sure? You don't want anything else?"

I shook my head, even though it made me feel worse. "No thanks."

"OK," said Mike. "One piece of toast with butter coming up."

* * *

After I'd had my toast, I went and sat in the office. I was just looking something up on the computer when Carmen and Tee came running in.

"Liam's broken the computer," said Tee. "Will you come and fix it?"

I sighed, before standing up. "Sure." I then followed them to the living room.

* * *

When I entered the living room, it was chaos. Everyone was having a go at Liam, asking him what he'd done.

"Guys, let me have a look," I said. I made my way forward and stared at the computer screen. It was flashing all different colours, and I didn't know what to do.

"Can someone go and get Mike to fix this?" I asked. "I'm not very good with computers."

"He's with Gus," explained Tee. "That's why we came to get you."

I took a deep breath. "OK, I'll have a look at it then."

I pressed a few buttons and did a few things with the computer. I thought it was sorting itself out, but then suddenly it began beeping loudly.

"What have you done?!" asked Johnny. "We can't use it now!"

Suddenly everyone was shouting at me, asking what I'd done, but I didn't know. I didn't even know what was wrong with it, let alone what I'd done.

I then felt tears beginning to stream down my cheeks, and for a moment I froze.

I looked around me, scared, and fled.

* * *

I didn't know where I was running, until I ended up in the garden. I sat on a bench, still crying, and got out my laptop (I'd brought it last night in case I wanted to try and talk to Cam again.

When I'd turned it on, I saw there was a message from Cam, asking to talk. I quickly wiped my tears away before accepting it, and Cam's face came onto the screen.

"Hey, Tracy," said Cam when she saw me. "Are you OK?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine," I said. "Why weren't you there last night?"

"Oh sorry, I forgot to tell you, we had a meeting," she said. "I didn't have a chance to turn my laptop on."

"OK," I said. "Will you be there tonight?"

"Yes, I should be," said Cam.

Suddenly I heard Gina calling my name.

"Sorry, Cam, I've got to go now," I said. "I'll see you tonight though."

"OK, bye," said Cam. "Oh, Tracy..."

Too late, I'd already ended the call. I quickly shut down my laptop and then turned around to see Gina standing behind me.

"Tracy," she said. "What are you doing?"

"I, um, I, I was just calling Cam," I said nervously.

"Well, you should have been working," said Gina. "You shouldn't..."

"I'll take it from here," said Mike, coming out of the back door. Gina walked off and then he gestured for me to follow him.

"Come on," he said. He picked up my laptop and then led me to the chairs in the garden.

* * *

**Mike POV**

When we got there I sat her down next to me.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Nothing," she said, looking down at the floor.

I gently lifted her chin. "Tracy, please."

I could see the hurt in her eyes, but she shook her head.

"I can't tell you, Mike," she said.

I looked at her, shocked. Usually she said that she was fine, now she was admitting she was hurting.

But she still wouldn't tell me why.

"Trace, please," I said. "I just want to help you."

Tracy shook her head again, before getting up and going back to the house.

I sighed, picked up the laptop, and followed her.

* * *

**Tracy POV**

When I got inside I went to the office. Gina was in there.

"Ah, Tracy," she said. "Could you..."

"Gina?" said Carmen, giving me a dirty look. "Can you come and fix the computer?"

"Um, Tracy, could you?" asked Gina.

"She broke it even more last time," said Carmen, avoiding my gaze.

Suddenly there came shouting from the living room.

"Tracy, go and see what's going on," said Gina. "I'll go and get Mike."

I nodded and hurried to the living room.

* * *

When I got there it was even more chaos than it had been before. Liam and Johnny were fighting, with Tee and Sapphie trying to pull them off. Toby was trying to sort out the computer, with Gus yelling at him not to.

I rushed towards the fight, and managed to pull Johnny off Liam, and then he turned on me.

"Oi, get off me!" yelled Johnny. "None of this would have happened if you hadn't have tried to fix the computer!"

"You lot asked me to," I said weakly, fear suddenly building up in me.

"Well you should have said you couldn't!" yelled Johnny.

"I did," I said quietly.

"So just get lost, and leave us all alone!" shouted Johnny, pushing me away from him.

And then my body went into shock. My breathing began to speed up, and I began to fall to the floor.

"Tracy!" I heard Mike's voice, and felt him grab me round the waist, helping me as I fell.

"It's alright, Trace, it's alright," Mike whispered in my ear.

By this time the room had gone quiet, and everyone was staring at me.

Mike signalled for them to go, which they all did.

I looked at Mike with scared eyes, not knowing what was happening to me. My breathing was rapid, my heart was pounding in my chest, and I couldn't stop it.

"You're having a panic attack, Tracy," Mike told me. "Just try to relax and take deep breaths."

I tried, I really did, but I couldn't. My body wasn't listening to what I was telling it to do.

"I..." I tried to tell Mike that I was sorry, that I should have told him earlier. "I..."

"Shh, don't try to talk," said Mike, taking my hand and squeezing it. "Just concentrate on your breathing."

I tried again, but it didn't work, so I just sat there, hoping it would stop soon.

* * *

**Mike POV**

Seeing Tracy here, in my arms, in this state, broke my heart. In my head I knew I had done all I could, as she wouldn't tell me what was wrong, but in my heart I wished I'd done more to help her, so this wouldn't have happened. I could hear her rapid breaths as she struggled to get oxygen in, and wished I could take it off her, even if I had to deal with it myself. It wasn't fair on her; she didn't need to suffer like this. She shouldn't have suffered like this. As she continued to struggle I felt her hand squeeze mine, desperately trying to hold on to something that she knew. I squeezed it back, letting her know I wouldn't let go.

* * *

**Tracy POV**

A few minutes later I felt my breathing beginning to slow. I looked round to Mike, and he smiled at me reassuringly.

"Good girl, Trace, keep going," he said, squeezing my hand again.

I carried on sitting there until my breathing was back to normal, and then turned to face Mike properly.

"Mike," I said, tears coming to my eyes. "I'm so sorry."

The look on Mike's face made me so angry with myself. I could see all the hurt I'd caused him, all the things I'd made him suffer with, and felt so ashamed of myself.

Mike wiped away a tear that was rolling down my cheek. "Tracy, you..." He trailed off, not knowing what to say.

I nodded. "I know," I said. I got up and began to walk away. "I'll go home, so you don't have to help me. You've got enough to do already."

Mike sat there for a moment, before he got up, ran over to me, and embraced me.

"No," he said, tears beginning to roll down his cheeks. "You come with me, to the quiet room, and tell me what's going on."

I shook my head, and tried to pull away, but Mike stopped me.

"Trace, you can't live like this," he said. "Come with me and we'll talk about it, OK?"

I shook my head again, but Mike wasn't taking no for an answer.

"Please, Tracy," he said. "It's me you're talking to, OK? I won't tell anyone else if you don't want me to."

I thought for a moment, and then nodded. Mike smiled with relief, before pulling out of the hug, taking my hand, and leading me to the quiet room.

* * *

When we got to the quiet room I suddenly realised how tired I was. Mike put some cushions in a pile for me, and I lay down on the sofa, using them as a pillow.

Mike sat opposite me on the other sofa. "Are you OK now, lovely?"

I felt a warm feeling spread inside me as Mike called me lovely: I made me feel so special and cared for.

I shook my head: I was far from OK. I then swallowed, to clear my throat. "Mike?"

"Yeah?" Mike said gently.

I took a deep breath. "I'm ready."

Mike looked at me, waiting for me to continue.

"You know that Cam went to New York for a month to work on that magazine?" I asked him.

Mike nodded.

"She, she's staying for another six months," I said. Tears came to my eyes and began to roll down my cheeks.

* * *

**Mike POV**

I felt so helpless as I watched Tracy lying there, tears rolling down her face. I wish she'd said something, so I could have done something about it. I didn't know what to do, until I realised there was only one thing I could do. I opened my arms, offering her a hug.

* * *

**Tracy POV**

When I saw Mike open his arms I nodded, and then began to sit up. Mike came to join me on my sofa, wrapping his arms around me, and I rested my head on his chest as I cried.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I'm so, so sorry."

Mike kissed the top of my head. "It wasn't your fault, Tracy," he said. "You were upset, and didn't know what to do."

I nodded. "I didn't want to upset you or the kids either," I said. "I didn't think it was fair to worry you." I paused. "And I thought you wouldn't want to look after me, because it was too much."

Mike rubbed my arm. "You've worried me more by not telling me!" he said. He then looked me in the eyes. "And Trace, I'll always look after you, OK? I'd never leave you to struggle on your own."

I looked up at him. "I'm sorry."

"It's OK," said Mike. I rested my head back on his chest and he began to stroke my hair.

"Why did you get so upset about it?" asked Mike.

"Because, well, because I've never lived on my own before," I said. "It's scary, being by yourself for the first time."

Mike nodded. "I didn't like my first time on my own either." He smiled. "I remember getting myself into a right mess."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

Mike sighed. "I did pretty much the same as you, although I didn't let it get as far," he said. "It took me a good couple of weeks before I told anyone how I felt." He then looked at me, his eyes full of concern. "I just wish that the same hadn't happened to you."

I nodded, before taking in a shaky breath. "Mike?"

"Yeah?" Mike said.

I looked down, to avoid his gaze. "What do I tell Cam?"

"Tell her the truth," he said gently. "It's what you should have done all along."

"But, I didn't want to worry her, or make her upset, or make her feel I was stopping her from doing what she wanted," I said.

Mike looked at me. "Tracy, it's her job to worry: she's a mum to you."

"But it's not fair on her, and she might think it's too much for her to do as well," I said.

Mike sighed, looking me in the eyes. "Trace, when someone loves you as much as Cam does, they don't mind looking after you, even if it's not completely fair on them."

I nodded.

"And Cam wouldn't be angry with you for being upset with her for going to New York, for certain," said Mike.

I began to realise that I hadn't really thought it through properly, and that it probably would have been better if I had have told Cam or Mike how I felt.

"I've really messed up, haven't I?" I said.

Mike shook his head. "You can put it right, if you want to," he said. He smiled. "Why don't you call Cam now?"

I looked at him in shock. "I can't, not now, I..."

Mike took my hand. "Do you want me to?" he asked gently.

I shook my head. "No, because it's..."

"Not fair on me?" Mike interrupted. "Because I think that it's too much trouble to help you? Tracy, I don't mind if it's not fair, and I won't stop helping you just because of that, OK? I care about you, and I want to help you."

I nodded. "OK." I looked around. "Where's the laptop?"

Mike smiled. "I'll just go and get it." He then got up and left the room.

* * *

**Mike POV**

As I walked to the office (where I had put Tracy's laptop), I felt all my thoughts and emotions flooding around me. I'd had no idea that Tracy felt like that. She thought that if she showed she was upset, people who loved her would just leave her to suffer. I hoped I'd made her believe that she was wrong, because I knew that I would never, ever leave Tracy to suffer, no matter how hard it was to keep going.

When I got the the office I picked up her laptop and headed back to the quiet room.

* * *

**Tracy POV**

When Mike came back in with the laptop I began to feel nervous. What would Cam say? How would she react? What if she was angry with me?

Mike interrupted my thoughts by placing the laptop on the table and starting it up.

He saw the anxious look on my face. "It'll be OK," he said. "She won't be angry."

I nodded, even though inside I didn't really believe it.

By this time the laptop had loaded, so I opened the message programme, typed in 'Hi Cam, can we talk?', and then waited.

A couple of minutes later Cam answered the message and came onto the screen.

"Hi, Tracy," she said. She then saw Mike. "Is everything alright?"

I looked to Mike, signalling for him to tell her.

Mike moved the laptop towards him slightly. "Tracy just had a panic attack."

"What?!" said Cam. "Why?"

"She's been upset about you being in New York," explained Mike. "She's only just told me, though."

"Oh, Tracy," said Cam. "Why didn't you say?"

Mike moved the laptop over so that Cam would be able to see me.

"I, I didn't want to worry you," I said. "And I thought you might think it was too much trouble to help me and just leave me."

Cam looked shocked. "Why would I think that?"

I shrugged.

"Are you angry with her, Cam?" asked Mike.

"Of course I'm not!" said Cam. "Tracy, I'd never be angry with you for something like this."

I smiled. It was small, but it was genuine.

"I can come back if you want me to," said Cam.

"No, you can stay in New York," I said. I looked to Mike, and then back at the screen. "Mike will take care of me, and I'll know I can talk to you if I need to."

Cam smiled. "OK. Well, I'll see you tonight then."

I smiled back. "Yeah, see you tonight. Love you."

"I love you too, Tracy," said Cam. "Bye."

"Bye," I said, and then Cam ended the call.

As the screen went back to my home screen I looked at Mike.

"Thank you," I said. "I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't have been here."

Mike smiled, and then took me into a hug. "Don't worry about it," he said. "It's what I'm here for."

And, for the first time in a long time, I smiled.

* * *

The next morning I walked into the office, a smile on my face.

"You OK today?" Mike asked me.

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm feeling a lot better." I then walked up to Mike and gave him a hug. "Thank you."

And in that moment, me in his arms, I knew that Mike would always look after me.

**A/N Hope you enjoyed it! Please review! :-D**


End file.
